Time-Out
and Its Flaws
In the classic idea of
time-out, children who misbehave are removed from the situation, usually to a
corner, a chair, or a "naughty step" to cool down and think about
what they've done. Modifications have been made over the years to make time-out
more effective, such as the rule of limiting it to one minute per year of the
child's age.But even with those modifications, time-out has its flaws. Instead of giving children time to cool down and reflect upon their mistakes, time-out can make them feel resentful, confused, and abandoned. They may need help understanding what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and what they can do differently next time. Most importantly, they may need help calming down, rather than sitting by themselves and feeling upset.
What
Is "Time-In" and How Can It Help?
"Time-in" has
developed as an alternative to a disciplinary method that has good intentions,
but not always the best practice. Yes, it's important for children to have an
opportunity to calm down, understand what they did wrong, and figure out how to
do it differently next time. Time-out just doesn't always achieve those things.Think of time-in as a guided version of time-out. You still want the child to calm down, understand what they did wrong, and realize how to prevent it next time, but with time-in you help the child achieve these goals.
- Instead of
simply banishing the child to a time-out spot, go with them so the two of you
can talk.
- Discuss
what happened and why. If the child is younger, you
might tell them what was unacceptable and why. An older child might
already know this and be able to tell you
with some prompting.
- Talk
about how to prevent it next time. This is
the most important part, because it promotes better awareness of their
behavior, and helps them to understand how to make changes in a way that
sitting on a "naughty step" can't do.
- Determine
whether they need additional time to cool down.
Again, younger children might not know the signs that they need some time
away, whereas older, more experienced kids will be able to tell you. You
might choose to sit with them a little longer, or explain to them that
they need to do a quiet activity for a little while.
Finding
the Right Approach
Every child is different, and what works well for one might not for another. Likewise, as a parent or a caregiver, it's important to use an approach that feels right to you. Whether you choose time-outs, time-ins, or some combination of both, what's most important is that you are raising a happy, well-adjusted child.
At the Montessori School of Flagstaff Sunnyside Campus, our teachers and parents work together to determine the best disciplinary approach for your child. Montessori education involves the teacher guiding the student, which aligns with the idea of time-ins. Contact us today to schedule a tour and the Montessori method first hand.
